My friend who happens to be a Biochemist/molecular biologist, and who has been growing his own potent mushrooms for years, told me that he had synthesized his own DMT. I had drunk Ayahuasca four times already, and I had been researching DMT online thinking it was the next logical step in my inner questing.
My friend gifted me with 15 milligrams, and on first glance I chuckled thinking there was no way this teeny, tiny crystal would ever be enough to get me to break-through to the other side. But I conscientiously did as he instructed, and crushed it finely into a piece of wax paper, until I could sprinkle it on top of a bowl full of oregano in my glass pipe. It looked like frosting on a holiday wreath.
I’m pretty ceremonial by nature; setting and ambiance are part of how I ease into the unfamiliar. Why not dress to impress, in case I meet someone/something that might appreciate a hand-painted and redecorated Tae Kwon Do ‘kimono’. As I lay down in bed, I felt oddly serene, like nothing major would happen, that it would all be over in a moment, so why not relax and enjoy my little Sunday night head-change?
I flicked the lighter and inhaled once. The taste was metallic, and otherwise foreign, it reminded me of sucking on a tailpipe, and no, I have never sucked on a tailpipe before, so I’m not sure why I might compare the taste to that, but nevertheless, I toked again, exhaled, then took another room-changing inhalation…And just like that, previously known constructs and dense matter dissolved into a swirling of melted candle-coloring. Solids were now liquids, and liquids were congealing into new shapes and forms around me.
My partner at the time (a witness, in case this went straight to weird o’clock) told me I started to lift my arms up to the ceiling, and I might have been mumbling incoherently under my breath. I believe he mentioned that from his perspective, there was an undercurrent of a smile beaming from my stupefaction.
From my end of things, consider me transported to an unspecified, subterranean location, seemingly middle-earth, seemingly my childhood backyard, seemingly the body of God, I have no FN clue. I only know that I was partially, if not completely covered in mud and muck. But I could also muster a recognition of my own resplendence.
My ‘new’ shape was that of a diamond spaceship, multi-faceted ‘windows’ or ‘facades’, (re)forming my exo-self. It’s hard to be certain because I am buried in this brownish gunk, so the light refraction in my diamond ship is dim at best, but I am ultra-sensitive, and feeling. This is where my part of the story and my partner’s match up: I remember feeling my arms, and they were living (almost separate entities) of bioorganic material melded into the diamond ship’s navigational organism.
My arms felt like tentacles or tendrils of musculature, comprised of skin, blood, and veins (at least this is my human experience-in-retrospect-understanding). And as I lifted my arms, the diamond ship moved! It wasn’t earth shattering, but the movement was enough to kick off some of the dirt covering ‘me’. And I saw the indication of light, a bright yellow radiance at first, but then prismatic, and ultimately concluding in a soft, gooey twinkle of pink-violet.
This is when I had my most profound moment, where I recognized myself as being cradled in a/the cosmic womb, that my diamond ship was one of the infinite diamond ships being held in the eternal being, which I referred to above as The Oneness of ALL.
I cried like a baby. I was still absorbed in the moment, but I could sense ‘reality’ beckoning me, disturbing me from my embrace of timeless peace. As each tear streamed down my face, my foggy eyes began to clear. I was slowly being brought back into the confines of my room, knowing that I was on a bed, and no longer in my underground diamond ship.
Before I came to, in crystal clarity, I did get a message (certainly not literal, but it came from a place where feelings meet words) and it told me that I am SURROUNDED by love, ALWAYS. And I knew then, like the instant, overwhelming download it was, that I should trust it, feel it, and know it without any doubt. I not only felt surrounded by love but I understood what it was To Be Love(to myself and maybe to others one day).
That experience really gave me chance to rewire my being, like an electrician, to redesign like an architect, to re-ignite like a fire-dancer, that my diamond ship might need more work in uncovering the rest of this mysterious journey I’ve undertaken, but the fact that I have recognized my own consciousness, and a sense of empowerment within that consciousness, was a grand gift indeed.
When I became completely lucid, I bound out of bed like a ten-year-old on Christmas. I felt fully charged like my batteries were given a re-juicing, and I knew from that day forward that drugs/medicines, whatever you want to call them, were a sacred channel, in which, to view dimensional layers/filters on the original lens of living…And, that ‘reality’ would never tuck away neatly into a box again.
If you liked this account, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section, better yet, share your own stories on this blog, I know the author intended it to be an open forum, and this is your chance to contribute in words. They matter. We need to create magnitude, as the individual vectors to the one, or myriad of diamond ships out there. As the subject line suggests: Let your freak flag fly, it’s about time!
Signed,